“I statements” are a communication technique that can be beneficial in resolving conflicts and improving communication in relationships. The basic idea behind an “I statement” is that instead of placing blame on the other person, you express your own feelings and needs using the word “I.” A good example of an “I” statement would be, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” you might say, “I feel frustrated when I don’t feel heard.” “I” statements are not criticism with “I feel” in front of it. A bad example of an “I” statement is “I feel like you don’t ever listen to me.” ‘ You don’t ever listen to me’ is not a feeling; it is a statement. When doing “I” statements, the goal is to have your partner understand how specific actions are making you feel.
Using “I statements” has several benefits. First, it helps to shift the focus away from blame and towards problem-solving. When you use “I statements,” you are taking responsibility for your own feelings and needs rather than placing the blame on your partner. This can help to defuse defensiveness and make it easier for your partner to understand your perspective.
In addition, “I statements” can help to promote empathy and understanding. When you express your own feelings and needs, it can help your partner to see things from your point of view and to understand how their actions may be impacting you. This can help to promote greater understanding and cooperation in the relationship.
Finally, using “I statements” can help to improve overall communication in the relationship. By focusing on your own feelings and needs, you are encouraging your partner to do the same, which can lead to a more open and honest dialogue. This can help to prevent misunderstandings and conflicts in the future.
Overall, using “I statements” can be a powerful tool for improving communication and resolving conflicts in relationships. By taking responsibility for your own feelings and needs and expressing them in a non-blaming way, you can help to promote empathy, understanding, and cooperation in your relationship.
Here is an example of dialogue showing effective communication with your partner using “I statements” and focusing on the issue:
Partner 1: “Hey, can we talk about something that’s been bothering me?”
Partner 2: “Of course, what’s on your mind?”
Partner 1: “Well, I have been feeling a bit lonely and isolated. There does not seem to be enough time to spend together. I miss the days when we used to have date nights and just enjoy each other’s company. I understand that work and other obligations can get in the way, but it would mean a lot to me if we made more of an effort to prioritize our relationship.“
Partner 2: “I see what you’re saying, and I completely agree. I’ve been feeling lonely, too, but I didn’t know how to bring it up. I feel overwhelmed sometimes with everything going on. I think it’s important that we schedule some date nights and plan activities that we can do together.”
Partner 1: “That sounds great. I appreciate you taking the time to plan this with me. I can contribute some ideas that I have, but I am interested in what kind of things you’d enjoy for us to do?”
Partner 2: “Well, we could try a new restaurant, go for a hike, or even just watch a movie together at home. I’m open to any suggestions you have too.”
Partner 1: “Honestly, I like all of those ideas. They align with the suggestions I had! Let’s make a plan for next weekend.”
Partner 2: “Sounds like a plan. Thanks for bringing this up, and I’m sorry I haven’t been putting in more effort to our relationship lately.”
Partner 1: “It’s okay, I know life gets busy. I just think it’s important that we make time for each other too. I love you.”
Partner 2: “I love you too, and I’m looking forward to spending more quality time together.”
In this dialogue, both partners are actively listening to each other’s concerns and are working together to find a solution that works for both of them. They are using “I” statements to express their feelings from their perspective, preventing the conversation from escalating.
